One day, Life.

One day there will be life.
one day the death will end.
One day.
One day.

but until that day,
I will sit here and wait.
Until that day, when i can tie my shoes together and throw them over the telephone wire,
until that day,
I will continue walking.

Until that day, I will wait,
steadfast,
until that day.

wastin my time in the waiting line....

Today is going pretty well.
Im really starting to come out of that whole depressed streak that I was going through.
Today is really peaceful. I feel like serene. Like listening to my music loud and just resting. Cleaning my room. Chilling.

Its a nice change of pace.

I Should probably be going because Im limiting myself to one hour of internet during the daylight hours for the next few days.
I feel like theres so much more to be done. Im also not watching any TV.

Its quite nice.
No useless noise polution.

Ah, the feel of serenity.

I really like the shins.

And yeah. Its amazing.

I know this is basically what I posted on myspace.
But I hate myspace.
I think Im going to delete it.

Who knows.

Peace out.

Ah, sweet inconsistency

Okay, so my last few posts have been kind of cynical.
Ill admit.

but this one will be happy-er.
Okay, so I'm really stoked.

Ive decided to apply for internships this summer. Im really excited about it.

And school was cool today.

And I dont have to worry about getting to work on time from school. I can chill and hang out and do homework. Its a shame. I really liked that job.
Good people there. If you ever need flowers
GO TO SEASCAPE FLOWERS!

they be good people.

Yeah, so I'm really enjoying college. Its a great school for me. Small, good people, stuff im interested in. Its really enjoyable.

But I really feel like Im supposed to be in Africa. You know, just one of those things.

Sigh.

And im finally going to see the doctor! Ive been like sick on and off with bronchitus like things since April.

FINALLY! im also going to try and get something to deworm me, because I may have picked some up in Panama. because I get really hungry, but feel really full at the same time.

Gross, I know.

But I felt you guys need to know.

Haha.
Im going to to go take some photos now.

Ill post more later on tonight.

I am the Beautiful Letdown

Honestly?
Im tired.

Honestly?
Life is kinda sucking.

Honestly?
Pre Calc is easy. Its the homework thats hard.
McBride was right.

Honestly?
I feel like I have no friends, minus 1 or 2, here.
I just wish some were guys.

Honestly?
I'm a bigger disappointment than you'll ever know.

Honestly?
I feel bad about not going to Math. Its just so hard.

Honestly?
I really like bioshock.
Despite the violence.

Honestly?
I really dont want to quit, you just dont pay me enough. I like the job.

Honestly?
I am the beautiful letdown.


Today was good. Got out of Chem early, chilled before work.
Tomarrow is not going to be so good. I have classes from 8 till 7:30.
Its a long day.
I had to really bring myself back from spinning out this morning.
Driving in the morning while your still tired in traffic with lots of other cranky people is not fun. Or good for my health.

Got this new game called "Bioshock."
Its a lot of fun.
But super gory.
and really creepy.
But not really in a demonic way.
Just in a distopian, what humans could do, kind of way.

Does that make me a bad person? Who knows.

I cant help but feel God is evermore distant.
Like, I know hes there, but I never really do feel him anymore.
I feel weird about it.
I have a lot of time to think, driving so much.
Yeah.

I wish that my guys were here.
I'm having a rough go of it.

"Resist the Devil, and he will flee."

Sometimes its just hard to put up a fight.

Aaron.

People are not good.

Okay, so I have really been struck lately of how much this truly holds true.
People, in their core,
In thier heart of hearts are
scary.

They're scary.
Look at us.

KKK.
LRA.
Nazis.
Starvation in Ethiopia.
Zimbabwe Collapsing.
Black people in South Africa living in shanty towns, looking for work.
Children losing their parents to preventable disease in Zambia.

Left to our own devices, we are not good beings.

But thats where God comes in.
And thats a good thing.

So, Im back. Ha, and you thought I would never come back.

I am back.
I plan to stay back for a while.
I think. I like blogger, and mostly no one knows about it, so I can actually be honest. What a concept!
Okay, here's a brief rundown of things that have happened since March.


A. June 6th. I passed high school and graduated. barely.
B. June 8th. I flew to Dallas, Texas and drove to Garden Valley, Tx. for my MA training the day after I graduated.
C. June 13th. I Flew to Johannesburg, South Africa, and then on to Lusaka, Zambia.
so much happened in between the next two dates, I feel they requre their own list/story after this list.
D. Aug. 4th. Returned home from a 7 week stay in Southern Africa. Ouch, my heart hurts.
A lot.
E. Aug. 10th-ish. Got 2 new jobs, started to get ready for college, and finally got some rest and caught up on 2 months of exhaustion.
F. Aug. 26th. Started college @ CSUMB.
G. Today. Well, nothing exciting.

I love reconnecting with old friends. It makes me so happy on the inside.

Okay, so as promised, heres a few quick lists of things that have happened in Africa.
I met kids who have lost parents and experienced pain that I could never ever understand.
I loved kids who I had to leave.
I wonder what happened.

Traveled.
Saw people, places and things that were broken beyond repair.
My heart was broken beyond repair.

I saw people healed of diseases.
and I still doubt.
still.

I left 2 families behind, in places that were less than ideal. Most never to been seen or heard from again.

I try to adjust back, but I really just cant.
I belong there.
Theres not much I can do about that.

I dont honestly know.

So in the end,
You conserve what you love,
you love what you know,
and you know only what you have been taught.

My eyes on fire cause I think I got bleach in it.
maybe. It was like on my hands from work.
okay all better.

I dont know what to write here anymore.
Not at all.

This is turning into a random spot for rambling.
I dont mind it so much.