gravity.

Gravity...
gravity is working against me...
and gravity,
wants to bring me down.

Ah math. The joy. The pain.
The sorrow.
The crazy teachers, the giant F's.
The poor math majors who will make thousands more than I ever will.

Math is bane of my existance.

It is 11:18 Pm.

I am 19 years old.

6 ft.

207 Lbs.

Brown haired again.

Blue eyed.

I go to college, majoring in ESSP with a current focus of Marine and Coastal Ecology, soon to be a double focus with an extra focus in Social Justice.

I live at home.

I dont pay for anything.
Not even gas right now.

And yet.

I just feel like there's something more.

Something that I am missing.

God? Prehaps.

Were not exactly on speaking terms right now.
At least on my end.

I am not content.

I dont know that I ever have been.

Im not happy.

Who knows if I ever will be. Nirvana knows the tendency to not be runs in our family.

I don't think my dad has ever been happy with anything he has ever had.

Its amazing how much my dad annoys the hell out of me, but still I ritualistically look up to him for advice. Even if its unspoken advice, cause I can't even talk to him.

Who am I?
Who have I become?
Whats left of me?
What a sad pathetic excuse for an existence I am!
I cant even speak to my own father.

I am afraid of my neighbors, despite the fact that they are some of the nicest people I have ever met.

And I cant even go out with someone with out planning what I am going to say.

And I pray and Pray and Pray and Pray. And I feel like nothing ever changes.

It just feels like nothing ever changes.

It makes me wonder.

God is there.
I cant deny that.

He has a plan for me.
I cant deny that.

Hes present in our lives.
I cant deny that.

But is he involved in every intimate step?
I just don't know.

I just don't know.

Maybe I'll never know.

"Don't stop this train, don't for a minute want to change the place your in"

"when your dreaming with a broken heart...
the wakin' up is the hardest part...
you roll out of bed...
down on your knees...
and for a moment you can hardly breathe..."

Sorry just needed to get this out there.

And thats what my mind is going over.
And probably will go over for days on end.


"Come gather around people,
where ever you roam.
and admit that the waters around you have grown,
and that soon you'll be drenched to the bone.
And if your time to you is worth saving,
you better start swimming or you'll sink like a stone!

For the times, they are a'changing.
Come senators congressmen, please heed the call!
... The battle outside thats ragin,
will soon break your windows and rattle your walls!

Come mothers and fathers throughout the land...
Don't criticize what you cant understand...
Your sons and your daughters are beyond your command...
your old road is rapidly aging!
please get out of the new one if you cant lend a hand!

For times they are a changing."